Happy Anniversary, BlogHer!

Four years ago, someone took a chance on me. I'd only been blogging for a few months when I heard that BlogHer was looking for volunteer contributing editors for a new site they were launching. I rushed to their current homepage, noticed that people already claimed the topic I most wanted (feminism and gender), and saw that travel and recreation was still open. Well, I love traveling and do it a lot. I had just blogged a trip to France. I left a message with links to three posts (this was before I had any idea what HTML was, not that I'm an expert at it now), and hoped for the best.

Not long after, I heard from Lisa Stone, one of BlogHer's founders. She said that she "loved" my blog and offered me the gig. I was thrilled! (Re-reading her email today, which I just looked at again, brings tears to my eyes. Yeah, I still have an email from January 2006 in my inbox.) My first post - Introduction to Travel and Recreation appeared on January 22, 2006. I hoped for many things, but was not sure what to expect.

Four years later, I still write for BlogHer, although on feminism, not travel. It offered me a platform when I was just exploring writing. It offered me a platform when I sent out proposals for a travelogue I was writing about unusual things to see and do New York City. It offered me a platform when my book, Off the Beaten (Subway) Track, was published 2.5 years later. It offered me a platform to meet and be inspired by other women.

Sure, it hasn't been all champagne and roses. When I realized that my four year anniversary was coming up, I compared it to my marriage: sometimes I wanted to scream and stomp around with selfish, delusional indignity, but overall my life is richer, happier, and better in every way because I have it. (Husband was slightly offended by this analogy, but I stand by it.) I'm so lucky.

Suzanne Ilana Goes Public

My appearance on "Seven Second Delay with Ken and Andy" went very well last night. I had a great time talking about the book, although within the first two seconds I revealed my deepest, darkest secret: my middle name. I probably also burst the eardrums of unsuspecting listeners with my shrill imitation of my mom yelling at me. Fortunately, they let me stay and talk about the book.

To hear this outburst (and my love for the Masons Hall, Mother Cabrini Shrine, Enrico Caruso Museum, and Rev. Jen's Troll Doll Museum), there is a Podcast. I come on about 19 minutes into the show and blather on for ten minutes.

I was horrified when I noticed that there were also photographs posted (if I had known, I might've worn make-up), but I discovered that I look fine. Especially in comparison to Wallace Shawn, who rocked the house. Inconceivable!

The Two Star Review

There are sixteen reviews of my book about unusual things to see and do in New York, Off the Beaten (Subway) Track, on Amazon.com. Fifteen of them rated the book with five out of five stars. (I am humbled and honored!) In the wee hours of this insomnia-filled night/morning, I discovered a two star review:

This book is much more suited to people who live in New York or know the city very well. If you are new to the city is not a good way to get accustomed to the city, as the book doesn't really lay out general information and most of the attractions in the book are very odd.

The first part of the comment is probably true. The second part is definitely true, as it is a book about unusual things to see and do in New York City. The subtitle is, "New York City's Best Unusual Attractions." Amazon's description includes lines like, "Off the Beaten (Subway) Track is the first book to focus on the hundreds of off-the-beaten-path destinations in the city," and "These are the types of places and things that fit perfectly with New Yorkers' psyches and egos and satisfy the desire of tourists to see the unusual." Given these cues, I am not sure what else a reader might expect. Mission accomplished.

Honestly, there are some potentially excellent reasons to give it two stars. I find it hilarious that it was rated poorly because it delivered exactly what it promised to deliver. It's almost one of those compliment/backhanded insult situations. So, if you are thinking about buying a copy of Off the Beaten (Subway) Track, I hope you will not be disappointed that a book about unusual things to see and do in New York City focuses on places that "are very odd."

A Conversation with My Father*

I called my dad. "Did you get the paper yet?"

"Yes! There's a color picture of you on the fr-"

"I know!!!! It's horrible! I can't believe how bad it is!"

He sighed. "I think you are too hard on yourself."

"That's true, but seriously, this is a bad picture. My friend Suebob said that I look as if I had a terrible accident involving my neck." I cackled. "But now no one is going to want to hire me because they'll think I have a disability that they'll have to accommodate! I'm screwed."

"Well, I'll always love you."

"Thanks, Dad."

And that is the last I will say about this awful picture. It is almost ironic that I am obsessed with how I look in a picture attached to an article about how terrible it is that young girls have to struggle with body image.


*Big nod to Grace Paley, whose essay of the same title we read in lit class last year. My lit prof thought it didn't work, but I adore anything Paley wrote. If she wrote a limerick on the back of a cocktail napkin, I'd find it brilliant.

When Then is Better Than Now

When I first posted the link to the WSJ article, the photos had yet to be posted. I may have been an enormous nerd in 4th grade, but now I am a woman who needs a better hairstyle and more sleep. Damn. And my friend Sara checked my make-up and everything before I met the photog. ("You look sort of like Rachel Maddow," my other Sara friend said, trying to be positive. Dude, Rachel Maddow may be awesome, but I do not want to look like her.)

The good news is that the new story links to the 1986 original. Yep, those were the days.

23 Years Later, I'm Back in the WSJ

My, how things change and remain the same in 23 years. When Jeffrey Zaslow came to interview girls in my school in 1986, who knew he would go on to co-author the zillion copy seller The Last Lecture and then The Girls from Ames? Who knew that I'd go on to, uh, blogging and authoring non-best selling books about unusual things to see and do in New York City? (Hell, who knew that there'd be blogging?) Who knew that the pressure on girls to look thin would go from bad to worse?

A few weeks ago, I re-read the 1986 article about girls and dieting while I was working my thesis.* I thought, damn, everyone in the story is on Facebook. It would be so interesting to follow up on it. On a whim, I emailed Zaslow and suggested it. He agreed.

The follow up article is up at Wall Street Journal. (Although the article does not mention it, I cackled after I made my comment about models.) The online edition doesn't have pictures, so I'll be curious if the print version does.

*To be scanned and posted on CUSS.

Home Unimprovement

The renovations are officially done. With the exception of the washer-dryer, which is maybe the greatest thing ever introduced to my living quarters, I would not consider the work done to be a home improvement. Sure, things look nicer (except for our furniture, which looks worse than ever due to the move to storage and back). Rather than improving my life, however, the renovation created enormous new messes for me to clean.

Anyone needing a laugh should check out my friend's new blog, Awkward Ice Cream Social. It's "Satire with hot fudge and extra sprinkles." Yum.

For the rest of the day, I shall mentally curl up in the fetal position and rock back and forth. Tomorrow hopefully will be an exciting day. Jeffrey Zaslow's Wall Street Journal article following up on my classmates and I and our attitudes about body image and dieting will be out. A photographer came yesterday to take my picture. (I asked him not to use any that made me look like a douche. None of his other WSJ subjects have ever made such a request.) The paper is running then and now shots, so my nerdy 4th grade visage will be run next to my nerdy current image. The whole thing almost makes me giddy enough to forget all the white paint flakes that are trailing from the bathroom into the rest of the apartment.

Helmet Head

During the monsoon that drenched the east coast on Saturday, Husband and I joined Alex Elliot and her family at the Higgins Armory Museum in Worcester. My expectations were low, but it turned out to be pretty awesome. Husband photographed me in this stylish helmet:

If only I could wear it when the Wall Street Journal photographer comes to take my picture tomorrow. Better that type of helmet head than the kind that my hair is likely to whip itself into tomorrow.

The Non-Guide to the BlogHer Conference

It's that time of the year, when the BlogHer conference is just around the corner, and people freak out and worry obsessively: what to wear, what if no one wants to talk to me, etc. etc. It's also that time of the year when "experienced" BlogHer attendees write posts and guides to BlogHer to sooth newbie's fears. Here's my non-contribution to this literary tradition:

Forget all the soothing internet back-patting that's going on: you are right to freak out. It will probably be overwhelming. But it will also be fine, and you will be excited to come back again. And again. And again.

My first BlogHer conference was in San Jose in 2006. Before I went, I feared that I would wind up in a corner eating cheese by myself. (This is what happens to me at pretty much every conference I go to, so I didn't think that BlogHer would be different.) And that's almost exactly what happened, except I didn't eat cheese in the corner by myself. I ate cookies. Lots of cookies. I also spoke to some cool people, and I met my blog heroine, Suebob. Suebob even went out to dinner with me, off-site. I was sure after that she would never want to talk to me again, but not only did we keep in touch and hang out at subsequent conferences, I even visited her at her lovely home, and we shall be roommates at the conference this summer. See? It all worked out. (And what did I wear? I think I wore a different pro-choice t-shirt every day. I had a reason, but I can't remember it. I also wore jeans and some weird gym shoes that were supposed to help work out my legs.)

In 2007, my several friends joined me at the Chicago conference. Just knowing that Count Mockula, Alex Elliot, and Super Des were there, and thus I would not eat cheese (or cookies) by myself in a corner, made me more confident and relaxed. As I result, I talked to more people. This was good. (And what did I wear? I can't remember. Probably jeans and t-shirts. During the ice breaker, some idiot bitch asked me if I was a lesbian, and when I said no, she sneered at me and pointed to my CUSS logo shirt and said that I "project" lesbian. Whatver.)

The following year, Count Mockula had a baby (totally awesome) and didn't come to the conference in San Francisco. Des did not attend, either. Alex and I roomed together again, and I spent the entire conference hanging out in the bookstore, chatting various people up, except for the session I attended on not having children. Maybe I went to another session or two involving other things, and I attempted to attend one of the infamous swag parties, but fled the noise and crowds promptly. The important part is that I had oodles of fun, and I got to sign my book, which rocked. (And what did I wear? More t-shirts and jeans, although I gussied up a bit for the book signing and wore a silk-y shirt with jeans.)

Now we are back to my hometown this year. Alex can't attend, but I shall be rooming with Mar, a newbie, and the aforementioned goddess Suebob. I will attend parties and a session or two and hang out. I will eat unhealthy foods, possibly by myself, but more likely with others because I've done this before and I know more people. I will do another book signing (this time, during Friday's cocktail reception) and have lots of fun. Yay!
(And what will I wear? Yes, t-shirts and jeans...)

Things that Are Happening that Are Good

Too many bad things happened lately. I'm still displeased with how Congress favors lobbyists over the general welfare of the nation, distraught over the assassination of Dr. George Tiller, and enraged that Cheney is working overtime to undermine Obama.* Plus, I need a job. Worse, last Wednesday, my nephew wound up in the hospital with a distended stomach, and he's still there. Very, very upsetting.

Fortunately, things are starting to look up a bit. The most important is that Marcus is doing much, much better. On Sunday, the doctors finally came up with a diagnosis for him: necrotizing enterocolitis (NEC). While NEC is awful and scary, it also is curable, and his treatment is going very well. I spoke to my sister yesterday, and she said that Marcus is very alert and responsive, and also that he slept well the prior night for the first time in days, and thus was less fussy in general. I'm relieved, and looking forward to his return home.

Last night I presented a lecture at Adult Education, and it went smashingly. I had fun talking, the audience was wonderful, and the other speakers were great. I really love public speaking, especially when it is about something fun like taking a subway road trip. My brother-in-law was kind enough to video tape it (my new publisher, Turner Publications, which bought my book when my original publisher closed shop, asked if I could record the talk for marketing purposes), so I'll post it on CUSS when he has a chance to upload it. But, man, I just felt fabulous last night.

My third ray of sunshine is on the job front. In an hour, I have a phone interview for a position which I think will be very interesting. My fingers are crossed that the good vibe I had from last night will come through this morning.

Tomorrow, my friend Dr. P begins her visit with me. She got a job in Long Island, and is moving back up here from Florida this summer. Just thinking about her triumphant return to the New York area puts a big smile on my little face.

My Lecture Tonight on Urban Travel

Adult Education is a Brooklyn-based monthly event series where various speakers present brief, multimedia lectures on a shared theme. Tonight's theme is Urban Travel, and I will be sharing some of the "treasures" one can find by taking a subway roadtrip with the A train. The podium will be graced with three other esteemed speakers discussing subway map design, subway sketch art, and people who refuse to vacate seats specifically designated for people with disabilities when a person who has a visible disability enters the train. (Part of me has extra love for the last one because the blog URL is so long: www.peoplewhositinthedisabilityseatswhenimstandingonmycrutches.com.)

Time Out New York selected the lecture to highlight on their Own This City blog, so you know it will be good. Plus, it is only $5. Bargains like this are hard to come by!

I'll have copies of Off the Beaten (Subway) Track available for $15. (That's a whopping $1.95 off the cover price!)

Critical Info:
Union Hall
702 Union St (between Fifth and Sixth Ave)
Park Slope, Brooklyn
718-638-4400

Closest subway: M, R to Union St
For other directions: http://www.unionhallny.com

Writing about Pubic Hair Removal Restores My Good Spirits

I woke up this morning grumpy and unsettled. With all the serious shit that is going on in the world, like the assassination of Dr. George Tiller and the amount of money that banks are spending to lobby against sensible regulation, I feared that I could not do a good job on my BlogHer topic of the day, pubic hair shaving. Oddly enough, once I got going with my old friend, I felt a lot better. If you can't mock the crap out of pubic hair removal, what can you mock?

Plus, this latest BlogHer post is the third that I wrote in the past three weeks that returned me to my humor roots. In the last year, I've become so serious. I started blogging and writing almost four years ago (!) to find a funny outlet for my anger. It's nice to go back to that.

More bad jokes, less frustration!

On the Radio, Part II

I think I have a voice for silent movies, but whatever - I was very excited to do my first live radio interview yesterday! In the event that anyone has a fleeting interest in foreclosure prevention and New York City, I think this is the link to the podcast. I come on halfway through the two hour program, and my colleague and I engage in conversation for 50 minutes.

When I entered the studio and saw the microphones and headsets, I thought I might throw up. My heart battered my rib cage. Fortunately, the host was an excellent facilitator with great questions, and my colleague was a pro at live shows. I quickly relaxed and had fun. I like radio better than TV (not that I've been on TV), as I did not have to worry about how my hair appeared.

Of course, the first person to call into the show was a raving lunatic conspiracy theorist type. Somehow, that struck me as appropriate. The rest of the show was great, and afterward, the host invited me to come back and talk about my book! Very exciting!

Slipper When Wet

"Watch out when you go in the shower," my mom said to my sister on Saturday morning. "The tub is slippery."

"Duh! That's how tubs are!"

"No, really. The cleaning people came and removed five inches of soap scum, so it's extra slippery."

That said, I had a very nice visit today. My nuclear unit took in the latest movie starring my long lost twin Adrien Brody, Cadillac Records, which I enjoyed. Lots of food for thought. Then I obtained a new white turtleneck for a mere $7, which I will use to replace the stained one I've had since junior high.

For dinner, we celebrated my birthday at Red Lobster, which was a special treat for me. (Sometimes I just want to promote osmosis my eating salty cheddar biscuits. Ha ha - no really, my peach-bourbon BBQ shrimp and scallops were good.) Afterward, we had cake at home. Usually I love yellow cake with fudge icing from Jewel, the local grocery chain, but the cake I picked out wasn't so moist and the frosting detached from the cake in clumps. I took the opportunity to interview my grandma and bubbe about their families, though, and that was nice for the most part.

Assuming the weather is agreeable (it's supposed to rain), I'm heading back to my own ten inches of soap scum this evening, and I'm sad that it went by so fast, although I look forward to seeing Husband. And I got an upgrade on the flight back, so that will be nice.

Happy Blogiversary, CUSS!

As we walked home from dinner on Friday night, I told Husband that Sunday is the 3rd anniversary of CUSS. "Did you think it would be a fad when I started blogging?" I asked.

"Yes," he replied. "I mean, how many blogs make it past a few months, or even weeks, before people move on?"

Yet, here we are. Blogging, as cliche as it may sound, changed my life. When I drafted my first blog post, I was a burned out do-gooder on the verge of snapping. Even though I only wrote a few paragraphs every day, I realized how much I enjoyed writing my little stories and rants. I "met" awesome people, some of whom even softened my hard core stance against unshaved snatch. A year later, I pursued a life that incorporated writing.

Although, some of what I wrote on Oct. 19, 2005 makes me cringe, I think in celebration of three years of blogging and personal growth, it is worth republishing. Happy Blogiversary, CUSS!

Why the world needs pubic hair

Far be it from humble unstylish little me to suggest that the New York Times Style Section is lagging on their trend reports, but in a Sept. 1 article titled "Skin Deep: The Revised Birthday Suit," they breathlessly reported that significant numbers of women are opting for totally bald crotches, or if not totally bald, then certainly having large tracts of hair ripped out so they can look "sexy." Please. Cosmo has been reporting for years that men prefer women with little or no pubic hair. Brazilian waxes went mainstream along time ago. Which, quite frankly, scares me. What on earth would make a woman spread her legs wide in front of a cosmetician, allow her to smear hot wax into her vagina, and then have all her hair ripped out? This sounds like something the US government might institute as a torture tactic in Abu Gharib. (And they could easily justify it by noting it can't possibly be torture if gazillions of American women voluntarily have this done all the time.)

No, it is scary and wrong to me. For goodness' sake, pubic hair exists for a reason. We lost most of our body hair during evolution. We lost our tails. We grew taller. So what's left seems to have a purpose. And we need our pubic hair! Think of pubic hair as vagina eyelashes - they stop bad things from getting inside during sex and causing infections. Pubic hair is our friend.

I'm not sure how we so quickly arrived at this hairless situation, but it's arguable that it is the popularity of g-strings, thongs, and other revealing bikini bottoms and underwear that led to the widespread (ha ha) acceptance and even expectation of shaved beavers. Fair enough, but I'd say that if your cooch hairs are hanging out of your bikini bottom, the solution is not to have them torn out of your vag and butt, but to get bigger bottoms. Think of pubic hairs as an organic warning system of sorts. It's Mother Nature preventing you from humiliation by telling you to put on some clothes because you look obscene.

Let's face it: female genitals got the nicknames pussy and beaver because they are furry. And who wants a hairless cat? No one. Having a hairless cat doesn't even help if you are allergic to cats since the problem is with the dander, not fur. Feline pussies with fur are nice to stroke. Hairless cats are freaky. The same goes for human pussies and beavers, my friends.

October Public Service Announcement: Breast Cancer Awareness Month

Is there anything more despicable than exploiting the fear of breast cancer to sell women products that may actually cause the disease? That's what Breast Cancer Awareness Month is all about these days. Check out my snarky remarks on this travesty of a mockery of a sham at BlogHer. My mom had breast cancer when she was 33, so this stuff hits me right on a pinched nerve.

In other news, my uber-talented brother-in-law created an author website for me. As usual, it is the bomb. In exchange for his help, I'm promoting his gourmet cooking business, Hot Pot Culinary Events. Hot Pot will conduct cooking parties and/or lessons right in the comfort of your own home! Fun times are practically guaranteed.