Shit that Pisses Me Off
A quick list of shit that is vexing me:
Bah. Later I'll write about how I eyed a puddle of vomit on the subway platform like vomit.
A quick list of shit that is vexing me:
Important things are occurring tomorrow. Passover begins at sundown, and we'll be heading to Husband's parents' house for what counts as a Seder in our lax Haggadahs: recite the Four Questions, sing Dayanu, then chow down. Mother-in-Law doesn't even bother getting desserts that are kosher for Passover. Wisely, she believes that if you are going to eat dessert, it should taste good.
Labels: Damn, fuck, I am a bad person sometimes, Jewishness, yummy eats
Labels: Damn, fuck, great news, random, work
After losing my planned post for BlogHer yesterday, which was infuriating (I re-wrote it and posted it today), my fucking piece of shit laptop lost an article that I worked on for almost four hours this most delightful afternoon. This was partially my fault, as I forgot to save it as another document after I downloaded it, but I did save it about 400 times while I worked on it, so I'm not sure why it never showed up in the temp file.
Labels: Damn, fuck, random, yummy eats
My faith in the ancient cult of bra fitting saleswomen is shattered. The sole reason I went to the Town Shop is because it reminded me of Schwartz's lingerie shop. My mom always took me to buy bras at Schwartz's because the salesladies there are trained in the art of fitting bras. The Town Shop has the same set up as Schwartz, in which some woman measures the customer, shows her some bras from the boxes behind the counter in which they are kept, then brings stuff to her in a fitting room, and finally adjusts and tugs the products once they are donned in a final fit test.
Labels: (undeserved) self-pity, Damn, fashion Suzanne-style, fuck, octopus
Back in November, I discovered that one of my bras went missing. It was very disconcerting, and not in the least because replacing it would cost me $68. I grit my teeth, chalked up my loss, and vowed to guard its fraternal twin (the missing bra was white; the remaining one beige) carefully.
As I've mentioned before, my mom battled and thankfully survived breast cancer approximately 30 years ago. In recent years, she tested negative for the breast cancer gene, but my sister and I are still considered at higher risk to develop breast cancer because my mom had it. Of course, that does not mean we will inevitably get it, but it does mean we need to be more cautious.
Labels: Asshole idiots, Damn, irony, random
Here at Case de CUSS, computer issues crop up every once in a while. Sometimes they are not really issues at first, but then they turn out to be issues that leave a computer in several pieces. This usually (only) occurs when Husband decides to "upgrade" something, and while the fix should be simple, it goes slightly awry and takes him 40 times longer to finish than he originally anticipated. The scanned pictures are stored away in the laptop under repair, which Husband advised me not to use unless I really had to.
Labels: Damn, epiphanies, fashion Suzanne-style, hilarity
Living in Manhattan is generally great because I don't have to drive anywhere to accomplish daily tasks. This is not such a good thing, however, when it is 27 degrees with a fierce wind. I'm spending most of the day running drugs - er, I mean, errands - so I sort of wish that I had a nice warm car that I could retreat to while I go from store to store. Oh well. It'll only make me appreciate the warm breezes in Hawaii all the more.
For a variety of reasons, I recommed not holding a bris on a very cold day in Chicago. (Insert your own immature shrinkage joke here.) My personal bias against frosty bris events is that I will have to drive to them. Since I don't normally drive, I will forget that cold weather means that ice forms on windshields. Then I will be 10 minutes late to the bris because I didn't budget enough time to scrape the windshield clear.
Labels: Damn, fun trips, Jewishness, leering perverts, mortification, random
Brother-in-Law (BiL) and Sister-in-Law (SiL) searched high and low for an appropriate souvenir for me while they were on their honeymoon in Italy. Their original idea was to purchase a fancy Venetian glass figurine of a beaver for me. After learning the Italian word for beaver (castoro), they asked at many shops, and many shop keepers laughed. They learned that castoro can also mean "goatee," which is fascinating, but not helpful to their quest. No one made glass beavers. (Incidentally, they did get a cute glass pussy for Mother in Law...)
Labels: Damn, hilarity, leering perverts, ooh-la-la, thanks
My non-blogging friend Sara (as opposed to my friend Sara who blogs) recently mentioned off hand that Cosi bread is atrociously unhealthy. Not that I go to Cosi often, but every once in awhile I do crave me a nice flatbread sandwich. They give baby carrots on the side, so how bad could it be?
Labels: Damn, fuck, mortification, other rants, yummy eats
Based on anecdotal evidence, adults seize upon Halloween as an opportunity to display their "wild" sides. Nationwide, the availability of "sexy" costumes in stores seems to be higher each year, sometimes making it impossible to find anything remotely covering unless you make it yourself. In New York City, however, this unfortunately provides a convenient and unacceptable excuse for individuals to not wear pants/skirts. Or underwear.
Labels: Damn, democracy in action, hilarity, leering perverts, mortification, octopus, random
Remember how I was all against changing my name when I got married? Well, nothing is different there. However, I did discover that my book was assigned an ISBN number, and the author credited with writing the master pizza (as I like to call it) is Susanne Reisman. Check it out on Amazon.com. Houston, we have a big fucking problem.
I want to go to bed, but I hate to interrupt Tycho the giant rabbit as he peacefully slumbers on the FAO Schwartz fake bear skin rug under the coffee table.
I forgot to note that the wedding I went to was for one of Husband's co-workers, hence we drove for 5 hours plus with three of his colleagues and sat for another four hours with almost everyone from his office, including the boss man. The boss man is someone I am always nervous around for a variety of reasons. First, he used to have a photo of himself with Karl Rove prominently displayed. Terrifying. Then, I fear that I will say or do something totally inappropriate and make Husband's situation uncomfortable. Remember, I can't even get through a ribbon cutting at an affordable housing development without sighing and rolling my eyes. Can you imagine what spending time with someone who admires one of Satan's prime henchman is like for me?
It's simple. I am a Jewish man who appreciates Jewish women and want to see Jewish pussy which physicall is no different than any other I suppose except that it is connected to Jewish women. I think it is like any other ethnic, cultural fascination, hence porn site dedicated to Latinas, Blacks, or Indian women. It's the pussy I prefer and I have a hunch it's the same reason for the other hits you've received.
I want to see photographs of nice naked Jewish women up close and personal. I like pubic hair and good personal hygiene. My life is empty.
Labels: Damn, democracy in action, hilarity, Jewishness, leering perverts, unshaved snatch, What is wrong with people?
Not that other people aren't super busy and finding time to blog, but this weekend was a little bit over the top for me. Yesterday Husband and I left at noon for the wedding of his coworker. It was supposed to take two hours to drive there, but thanks to weather and traffic, we arrived 3 hours and 15 minutes later, just in time to see the wedding party posing for post-ceremony pictures. We killed time at a bar across the street until the reception began at 5 pm.
Labels: Asshole idiots, Damn, fun trips, mortification, random, weekend plans, What is wrong with people?, yummy eats
A few days ago, I read a blog post somewhere (my brain is beyond fried, so I have no idea where, sorry) about how women want to be taken seriously and not judged solely based on their looks. This statement made a lot of sense to me. Then I read one of the comments, in which the writer begged to differ that women don't want to be objectified. Compelling evidence was presented in the number of plastic surgery procedures conducted on women each year. When I read that, I sighed because I can't really disagree with that point entirely.
Labels: Damn, epiphanies, hairy legs, irony, other rants, What is wrong with people?
The topic of swearing is on my mind lately. In addition to polishing off my book about unusual things to see and do in NYC (which, in all of its 42,000 or so words, does not include one swear - can you believe it?!?), I'm working on a writing portfolio to submit as part of my graduate writing program applications. It's a story about the (in retrospect) hilarious awfulness of puberty. Not surprisingly, I developed a foul mouth at a young age. Although I was otherwise a wimp, my willingness to say really bad words made me at least a little bit intimidating. Kids build the best defense systems they can. Swearing became an odd badge of pride, and I only got more creative with my cursing over time.
The study also points to gender issues and an apparent double standard of men's swearing compared with women's cursing. "Female swearers are often perceived to be of a low moral standing," the researchers noted. Men, on the other hand, can generate reverence from swearing, though they tend to tone down the use of profanity in front of women.Can you believe that fucking shit? Motherfuckers revere men for their creative use of swearing, but bitches like me get fucked for calling someone a assfuck shitbrain? Low moral standing my ass. And if any cockface thinks that he needs to temper his language for my tender ears, he can suck my big fat dick. If that is not a big steaming pile of maggot infested shit, I don't know what is.
Labels: Asshole idiots, Damn, fuck, mortification, other rants, What is wrong with people?
Is October almost halfway over already? Sometimes time crawls by on its hands and knees like a dehydrated person seeking rehydration pills from a crabby pharmacist in a horrid chain pharmacy. Other times, it passes me by like all those assholes who refuse to stop their cars at red lights.
Labels: Damn, good deeds, hilarity, I hate my fucking former employer, random, the book, those were the days
My cold is 92% over. When I finally printed a clean list of all the places that are included in the book, I realized that I miscounted how many there were. (Too many side notes all over the sheets threw me off.) There are 100 sites (how coincidentally round!) and as of yesterday, I wrote about 92 of them. I can take the afternoon off with a clean conscience.
Labels: Damn, props to my peeps, random, the book, those were the days, yummy eats
One year ago today, at about this time, I packed up the Powerpuff Girl figurines, the pictures of Husband and my sister, and a squishy stress-relief ball shaped like a green paper advertising the Child Care and Adult Food Program, and I left my job at a nonprofit community development financial reinstitution after nearly five years. It took me two years and two previous attempts to quit, but mounting frustration, seething rage, and desperation at working in an agency that took 40 cents of every dollar that I fundraised to cover overhead costs while offering me absolutely zero support took its toll. Every year I received glowing reviews from my direct and indirect bosses about how I continually exceeded expectations and single-handedly oversaw a program to build more child care center for low income kids in New York City, but not once was I ever offered a job promotion or job title that reflected the full amount of work I performed. While my peers and externally partners respected me, I was rewarded with suspicion and wrath from the upper echelons of the agency for not fundraising enough to cover their five-figure bonuses and six-figure salaries. (This is not secret info, by the way: it is all public in the agency's Form 990.)
Labels: Damn, I hate my fucking former employer, leering perverts, weekend plans, writing
When I woke up yesterday morning, I discovered that my nose exploded down my throat overnight. In a quest for allergy medicine, I headed over to my local pharmacy, Duane Reade. Thanks to the jerks who live in the middle of nowhere and use Sudafed as the principal ingredient in crystal meth, the pills must be kept behind the pharmacy counter. I stepped in line.
Labels: Asshole idiots, Damn, random, What is wrong with people?
Until recently, which involves a construction boom and the ongoing construction of thousands of luxury condominiums around the City, 85% of the apartment ownership options in New York were located in cooperative (co-op) buildings. Co-ops are rare outside of NYC, and basically work like this: the building itself is a corporation. Anyone (for example, Husband and myself) who wants to "buy" an unit within the co-op really buys shares of the corporation. Those shares are determined by the location within the building (e.g. - a ground floor apartment in theory has less shares than the penthouse, as it is less desirable to live off the lobby) and size. The buyer of the shares is assigned a proprietary lease for the unit, and pays a monthly maintenance fee to cover the building's costs. The fee is determined dividing the corporation's costs by all of the shares, then multiplying the per share amount by the number of shares for each unit.
Labels: Asshole idiots, Damn, mortification, other rants, What is wrong with people?
Today was certainly an emotional day. I said good-bye to Dr. P as she returned to Florida, and the Mets said good-bye to their fans by losing to Florida in a manner consistent with their track record over the past few weeks. Although I will cheer on my original home team, the Chicago Cubs, as they seek their first World Series victory in 99 years, my heart's not really in it. After they blew the 2004 season in the exact same manner as the Mets just threw this season into the crapper, I decided that 20 years of having my heart crushed was enough, and I stopped following them regularly. Plus, a Cubs championship is definitely a sign of the apocalypse, and despite my intense loathing of the human race, I'm not sure that I am ready for the world to end.
Labels: Damn, fuck, random, weekend plans
The Metropolitan Transit Authority (MTA) is the state agency that oversees the subways and buses in New York City. Most of them live outside of the City and the surrounding suburbs, and the previous head of the MTA had never taken the subway when our former hack Republican governor (let me be clear - he's still a hack and a Republican, just thankfully not governor) appointed him. Now the geniuses in Albany (our state capital) are considering a fare hike for people who use public transportation during peak hours and a discount for those who don't. I think the conversation went something like this when the idea was proposed:
Labels: Damn, democracy in action, random
Last night before we headed off into our separate la-la-lands of peaceful slumber, I told Husband about my plans for today's post over at BlogHer.
Yet another fine comment as to what people hope to find when they search for jewish pussy on the internet:
i wanted to learn about jewish pussy. so far, i have been afraid to
find out because they are attached to jewish women.
Labels: Damn, Jewishness, random, weekend plans
Upon opening my New York Times this dreary Monday morning, I was shocked - shocked! - to find the lead editorial titled, "B Is for Bailout, C Is for..."
Labels: Asshole idiots, Damn, random, unshaved snatch
It's no secret that I often function as though I am on another planet. However, unlike the folks at The Wall Street Journal, my planet is not Uranus. I'm not sure where my planet is. It is very likely not even in our solar system.