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Things that Are Awesome in 5773

Good things about for me in 5773, this new Jewish New Year that began Sunday night. I started a new job last week, and I am loving it. I have not said something like this in years, if ever. I also have an essay that was accepted for publication by Freshly Hatched the online lit mag of Freerange Nonfiction. I am not going to try and pretend I am not balls out excited by this. As soon I it is published, the link will obviously be provided. I also really, really love this: When was the last time I posted about unshaved snatch? I don't know. But this towel cracks my ass up. I say just add a little fur to the legs, and it's perfect.

Speaking of unshaved snatch, I love this article by my online friend Alyssa Royce about why she chooses to not have pubic hair. I'm all for ladies to determine for themselves what they do with and to their bodies, so even though I will never, ever go that route, good for her for doing what is best for her. My big opposition to the whole hairless thing is the pressure that is put on women go pube-less or be deemed disgusting, dirty freaks. (I may in fact be a disgusting, dirty freak, but not because I have pubes.) However, I'll not judge a woman for her decision so long as she leaves me the fuck alone about mine. (That said, I will judge the fuck out of men who pressure ladies to remove pubes when they themselves don't feel the need to subject themselves to wax, razors, lasers, whatever on their genitalia. And don't give me that shit about shaving one's face counting. It doesn't.)

Here's to hoping that 5773 continues to bring good things. L'shava tova and g'mar chativa tova!

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The Crotch Olympics: Going for the Gold?

For the past ten or so days, I have been "watching" the Olympics. By "watching," I mean that it tends to be on in the background while I work on my freelance gig (for some reason, I seem to power through grant proposals with the Olympics on); I sort of watch it while I run on the treadmill (dressage was the least motivating "sport" thus far); it plays on the TV while I read a magazine or email or Facebook; and once in a while, I give it my undivided attention (gymnastics). Now that I admit that I am not really focused on the games, I say this: what the fuck is with the bathing suits? For both American men (divers, anyway) and women, the cuts of the bathing suits are hideous. I have held my breath on more than one occasion. One slightly wrong move, and either labia were going to pop out or penises burst forth. There is not a chance that these athletes aren't waxing or shaving their pubes down to nearly nothing, if anything at all. The suits barely allow for genital containment, let alone hair on genitals. I find it extremely disturbing.

I'm not saying that bathing suits are generally pube friendly (hence my love of board shorts), but the high cut crotches on the women's suits and super low, low, low waists on the men's suits just seem over the top. I am waiting for the porn soundtrack to crank up. Whoever is responsible for these suits should totally design costumes for sex-movies. That would be awesome.

This is a gold medal level fiasco.

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COYOTE C (Cast Off Your Old Tired Exercise Clothes)

Two posts ago, I wrote about my idea for a fundraiser that I think would be great for early childhood programs in New York. Then, while folding my laundry this afternoon, I had another idea: I should forget working in the nonprofit world and start my own women's fitness clothing line. Certainly there are many options out there for women's exercise clothes. Yet somehow none seem to be made to meet my needs. A long time ago, I wrote a rant about how fitness pants and shorts for women rarely have pockets. I continue my quest to find bottoms that have pockets that can fit my keys, emergency cash, ID, Kleenex, and gels. Men's bottoms, unless they are tiny jogging shorts, always come with deep pockets. I still do not understand why women's do not. Forget my long list of things I need when I run - doesn't everyone at minimum need a place for keys and ID? Sometimes women's shorts have key pockets or I've found a rare pair of pants with a pocket that could fit key, my ID, and cash. Yet most women's bottoms have no pockets at all.

Also, the length of women's shorts tend to vary between super short and pretty short. I need some serious fabric between my thighs or they chafe. Why are shorts always so damn short? Men not only get pockets, but they have a number of lengths to choose from when selecting shorts. (I did notice a few pair of what I consider normal length shorts at Title IX, but of course only one pair had pockets. Also every pair was over $50, which reminds me that men's shorts also tend to be around $30 or less. And include pockets.) Since I am short, sometimes I can get away with extra large boys shorts. Incidentally, those are fairly cheap and come with pockets, since obviously boys have important things to carry when exercising but women do not.

Which brings me to tops. Men's tops can be form fitting or boxy. Almost all women's tops, especially the kind that are supposed to wick away sweat, are form fitting. I seriously do not need my pooch revealed through these tops. I don't want to feel super self-conscious when I run because my gut is bouncing around for the world to see. I want to hide the damn thing is a loose shirt. Supposedly, the tops are tight to help wick the sweat away, but Husband buys moisture wicking shirts all the time that are not meant to cling to his body and they seem to work just fine. Uh huh.

So, while folding my laundry, I thought I should start my own line of women's fitness clothing. All damn bottoms will come with pockets. The pockets will be deep or have zippers. They will come in a variety of lengths and sizes. Nothing will be form fitting, just loose and comfy. The company will be called COYOTE C.* I just need a shitload of capital and a manufacturer and someone who knows how to design clothes (with pockets)...

*(Cast Off Your Old Tired Exercise Clothes, which I admit is a total rip off of the amazing sex workers' rights organization, COYOTE - Cast Off Your Old Tired Ethics, but I like it. It sounds inspiring. Coyotes are fast and not to be trifled with. They will bite your face off if your fuck with them. And I understand that they are fond of pockets.)

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