Campaign for Unshaved Snatch (CUSS) & Other Rants

* because life is hairy *

Saturday, April 12, 2008

Misused Penis Cream Can Lead to Big Fingers

The good thing about watching too much reality programming on TV is that the ads are exceptionally worthy of mocking. First, I tore into a Bounty ad depicting a woman wiping up a jizz-like substance from a door mat. While my initial criticism was aimed at the fact that the woman cleaned up spilled pop while her lazy husband and son stood around staring at the mess one of them made, in the back of my mind, I wondered how the hell a puddle of splooge wound up on the door mat. Thanks to a Maxoderm ad I saw yesterday afternoon, I now know.

Maxoderm is a cream that supposedly gives guys bigger dicks. The couple in the ad beamed and grabbed at each other as the husband boasted that his wife bought Maxoderm for him. She then leered at the camera, purring about what a BIG difference it's made. Wink, wink. They practically cum on the spot.

Now, why this guy is not insulted that his wife would give him such a product is beyond me. I think it would hurt his feelings as much as it would if he bought me cream to make me grow bigger tits. When I asked him what he would do if I gave him Maxoderm, Husband claimed that if I bought some for him, he'd first smear it on his finger to see what would happen. "If it fell off, I'd know not to use it," he told me, nodding.

However, I learned from the Maxoderm site that the results would not be the same on a finger as a penis. Why not? Because, "A relaxed penis has less oxygen than any other organ." If that's the case, can you imagine how big Husband's finger would get from his experiment? It's be crazy. He could poke an eye out from across a room; steal a purse while at the other end of a subway car. I could boast to every that my husband has the biggest... finger. Amazing!

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7 Comments:

At April 12, 2008 8:48 PM, Blogger SUEB0B said...

I like your husband's scientific mind.

But wouldn't it be funny if the ad told the truth? I mean, most women that I know wince at the idea of a huge horse-sized dick - so they really need to say "Gives you a nice, medium-large penis!"

 
At April 12, 2008 9:38 PM, Blogger Alex Elliot said...

I agree with Suebob. However, hubby could have a pretty cool career as "Man with the Biggest Finger". Imagine the interviews and the made for TV movies he could have!

 
At April 13, 2008 4:45 PM, Blogger Suzanne said...

You ladies are the best.

 
At April 13, 2008 7:19 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Viagra, levitra, and/or cialis are not enough? What else do men want?

 
At April 13, 2008 11:12 PM, Blogger Holly: The Dirty Princess said...

A giant ... finger! Now that would be amazing. lol (I wish there was a better way to describe that, but alas, I really am laughing out loud at that concept. At least I am at home and not in a public computer lab.)

 
At April 14, 2008 11:40 AM, Blogger NoRegrets said...

Oh, again, thanks for the laugh.

While I may not want a horse sized penis, if it made one wider, that would be cool with me..

 
At April 15, 2008 1:26 PM, Blogger karrie said...

Wouldn't biggest finger be just as much fun? ;)

 

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