Damn Savage

Last time I checked, bars in New York City have restrooms. Thus, there is no excuse for a preppy white kid who clearly is on his Happy St. Patrick's Day bender to be peeing on the service door of a building while his yuppie scum friend chats him up at 10 pm.

"Nice whizzer, fuckface," I sneered at the dickhead as I walked by with my grocery bag.

I didn't stop to see their reaction. Two seconds later, I wished that instead of issuing a walk-by insult, I had actually walked next to him, gazed upon his public display of penis, and suggested that he not take it out of his pants in freezing weather, as he clearly had not much there to lose to shrinkage.