Count Me Out of Civilized Society

Husband is the best man in a wedding this afternoon. I was planning to wear a cute pink and green strapless cocktail dress to the wedding, but I noticed that my leg hair was clearly visible through my white tights. I then considered wearing a pair of funky black flowy pants things, but then I didn’t want them to drag in the slush that is dogging the streets of New York these days.

“Why don’t you just shave your legs?” Rebecca asked.

“What! Are you crazy?” I replied, aghast at the sacrilegious suggestion.

I settled on a black dress so that I could wear black tights. As I mentioned all this to Husband, he brought up the fine product now available to men through www.shaveeverywhere.com.

“Damn, that was a funny ad,” he chuckled.

We joked about the “optical inch” for a few minutes, when it suddenly occurred to me. If people distinguish themselves from other mere animals by our grooming habits, then it is actually a sign of civilization that both genders are increasingly spending time removing our fur. Hence, I am utterly uncivilized.

“Yes, that’s true,” Husband admitted cheerfully. “If you were more civilized, you would also use a fork and knife while you eat. Your sister has the same issue!”

I hate using knives as much as I hate shaving. Using a fork is sufficient to split apart whatever food I plan to ingest. Why make another utensil dirty if it doesn’t need to be? Sure, if my food actually requires a knife, I am happy to make use of it. But generally, a gentle nudge off the side of the fork is perfect force and sharpness to break off a bite size nugget of food. Or sometimes I gnaw on things.

Civilization is overrated, anyway.