Campaign for Unshaved Snatch (CUSS) & Other Rants

* because life is hairy *

Monday, November 06, 2006

Juxtapositions

I am thankful for:

1. A strong flushing toilet.

2. Blogging and email.

3. My short physical stature.

4. I have heat on cold days.

5. Ideas come easily to me.


But:

1. Due to some building design flaw, our toilet sometimes erupts like Mt. Etna. If we didn’t keep the lid down, it would be more like Mt. Vesuvius covering Pompeii, albeit with (thankfully) clean water.

2. Addiction. Withdrawal when internet is not available. Shaking. It hurts when a fix is not available, or worse, I have not received any new email or comments.

3. Shortness is due to a lack of torso. Do your ribs end at your hips? I didn’t think so. There’s something to be said for proportionality.

4. There are two types of landlords in New York City. Slumlords are evil, cheap bastards who provide no heat at all. Other landlords fear elderly tenants constantly bitching and moaning about being cold, so they pump the heat up to about 4,000 degrees. The ensuing desert-like conditions make my sinuses angry. Air is hard to inhale through the dried blood and snot clots that fill my nose.

5. The best ideas pop into my head just as I am falling asleep, then I am up all night writing.

4 Comments:

At November 06, 2006 9:37 AM, Blogger A. Elliot said...

This sounds like the perfect thing to say before digging into Thanksgiving Day turkey! Last year my landlord (by that I mean husband and I)almost ran out of oil so it was completely freezing in our house.

 
At November 06, 2006 11:25 AM, Anonymous happy and blue 2 said...

Don't want you to go into withdrawal so here's a comment to tide you over..

My ribs can't touch my hips because my stomach is in the way.

And I have lots of thoughts. Just no substance..

 
At November 06, 2006 11:51 AM, Anonymous Mara said...

There is a third type of landlord - the ones who, before the advent of 311 (and some after) keep the heat on Mon-Fri, and then shut it off from 5 pm Fri until 8 am Mon so that they save 2+ days of heat but tennants cannot call the city or their offices to complain.

 
At November 06, 2006 5:37 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I heart my central heat & air.

 

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