Little Miss Muffet

muff 1 /muf/ n. a fur or other covering usu. in the form of a tube with an opening at each end for the hands to be inserted for warmth. (The Oxford Dictionary and Thesaurus: American Edition, 1996.)

muff 1. the female genitals. From the name of a hand-warming muff. In the bawdy verse: “Lost, lost and can’t be found: a lady’s thing with all her ‘round” (Farmer and Henley) [slang, 1600s-pres.] (Slang and Euphemism: 2nd Revised Edition, 1991.)

Muff has been around for a long time. It is a shame that people are rendering such a fine mental picture and amusing slang obsolete, but muff makes no fucking sense for a shaved snatch. Even if an alien landing strip remains after the waxing, it still doesn’t fit the definition of a muff. How sad. I mean if you can’t snicker at a pretentious snob named Muffy because muff no longer has a slang meaning, what is left in life for us riff raff?